I’m a bridesmaid! Oh, my Gosh, I’m a bridesmaid, and by the time this wedding happens, I’ll be 42 years-old. Are bridesmaids allowed to be that old? If I had made different decisions in my life, I could be the mother of the bride. Thank God I didn’t and thanked God the bride is not in her 20’s. But I did act like a 16-year-old girl who just got asked to senior prom by the hottest guy in school. I screamed and cried. Then she asked, “How much have you had to drink?” “Not thaaat much!” I’m not in my 20’s or even 30’s, and I understand what this means. I promised not to gain any weight, but on the flip side, the chances of losing weight are slim to none. What you see is what you get. I also promised to do whatever it takes to make her day special, even if that means putting a big hot pink taffeta bow across my big butt, I will wear it with pride and shake it on the dance floor. Then I thought, what if she decides on a mermaid style dress. Okay, I’ll look like a boa constrictor that just ate its monthly meal, but I won’t say a thing. I’ll lick envelopes, act excited about floral arrangements, colors, and cake. My vow to her also included being there with a box of tissues, a glass of wine and an understanding shoulder when she freaks out about whether or not she’s marrying the right guy. But then she surprised me with her expectations. What? She’s already telling me what to do when the wedding is over a year away. She wants me to stop her from crying during the ceremony. Crap, this is the one job I can’t handle! Obviously, she’s picked the wrong girl. A little-known fact about me, I’m a crybaby. Most people don’t see it, but in almost all of our home videos show me crying. I’m easily touched. And the reality is, her road has had its twists and turns, but it’s always been the right road. And now as she prepares for her journey down the aisle, I’ll be there with tissues, love, and support and remind her she makes him a better man and he is her soulmate. Do you think I could have a bouquet made of kleenexes? Too Old To Be A Bridesmaid?
