These are my little twists in writing.  My world in my words.                                                                                                                                        

Guilty as Charged: I'm a Holiday Dumper

Holiday Dumper

Judge to the Defendant, “Do you understand the charges against you?”

Defendant, “I do.”

Judge, “How do you wish to plea?”

Defendant raising her right hand, “Your honor, I’m guilty. I am a Holiday Dumper.”

Judge, “You’re hereby sentenced to spend the holiday season alone!”

Defendant, “Oh, Thank-you your honor, this is the BEST Holiday season ever!”

Admittedly, I’m a holiday dumper. I’ve ended many romantic relationships based on gift giving. Before you label me some insensitive bee-och, hear me out. I think it’s better to cut bait than be in a relationship out of convenience instead of love. It’s not like I enjoy being alone but it’s also not right to stay with someone you know is “not the one.” Stringing a person along is way more hurtful in my eyes. The biggest indicator for me that I was not in the right relationship was when I tallied my gift spending or better yet, I tried to buy the cheapest gift possible without looking like a cheapskate. That never works. Think about what you put up with to earn your money, the angry boss, the never happy client, the moody co-worker or better yet the ever elusive food thief. Instead of worrying about matching his spending or how to get off cheap, let me spend my money on me and get what I want, and he can do the same. Come on; you know everything you’ve ever wanted is available at incredible prices. Not wanting to sound too callous, I do have ONE critical holiday dumping rule. You have to dump by December 10th. That’s just about two weeks before Christmas. If you practice another religion, same rule goes, at least two weeks before the celebration. In fact, I don't limit my dumping to just one holiday. I feel the same about Valentine’s Day. But when you find that person you don’t worry about your gift tally, you get excited to make them happy, and you can’t wait to see them enjoy your gift…that’s a keeper. Gift giving is not supposed to be stressful or regretful. It is supposed to bring joy to your heart. Tick-Tock the clock is ticking. Get to dumping before you sentence yourself to a holiday full of regret.




My Graduation Speech to High School Students

Gradutiaon speech

High School Graduates,

I stand before you not as example of greatness or achievement, but as an example of decisions. I do not possess any great talent or skills. But what I do and did have, even at the young age of 18...I knew what I didn’t want. It’s ok not to know exactly where you going, but you better have an idea of how you want to live. I did not get where I am today by reaching for the moon and landing among the stars. I could say, “this is not the end but just the beginning.” Why are graduation speeches filled with these cliches? Because everyone is hoping to inspire you. Not me, I think you should know the truth. The truth is...life is all about decisions. Up to this point, the probability of the decisions you’ve made so far will not have a lasting effect on the rest of your life. Let’s face it getting your record expunged as a juvenile is far easier than when you’re adult. From this moment, as you enter into adulthood, these decisions will now have lasting effects. This is your life. What do you want? How do you plan on getting there? This is no longer about your parents. I say, show them up...find your passion; make more money, fall deeper in love, build a stronger family and then rub in their face. Whatever path you choose, work, college, trade school or the military, this is the only time in your life you get to be selfish. You get to do whatever you want. Devote all your time and energy into becoming your best. I know everyone will say you have your whole life ahead of you. And yes you do, but’s only selfishly yours for a short period of time. Let’s just say you start a family, whatever that family picture looks like, at the ripe old age of thirty, that’s only twelve years from now. Sounds like a long time, but think of this. The average life expectancy for an adult in the U.S. is 78 years old. If, and that’s a big if, you wait until 30 to have a child or be in a committed relationship...you have another 48 years of life where you can’t to be selfish. Unless you plan on dying alone, then don’t worry about what I have to say. 12 versus 48 years...say it that way and you realize just how little time it is. Embrace your freedom. Make good decisions not for your parents, but for you. Because....THIS IS YOUR LIFE! Now I’ll be cliche...this is the time to make all your dreams come true! Congratulations graduates, I can’t wait to see what you create!



My Sweet "16" Ride Became a Journey

journeyWindows rolled down, wind whipping through my hair, Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me blasting through the speakers and me rockin' out as I cruise down Pacific Coast Highway getting to my favorite spot at the beach. This was the vision in my head as my 16th birthday approached. I didn’t care about a “Super Sweet 16” birthday party. I wanted a car, and I could smell the salt and sand every time I laid my head down on my pillow. The day was finally here, and my mom says, “I’ve got a surprise for you.” This is it. I’m getting my car. Nothing fancy. A car meant freedom. Freedom to go anywhere, anytime as long as I had my parents permission. I was giddy with anticipation. As I head towards the front door, my mom says, “no, up here.” What? My room? Leaping two steps at a time as I head up the stairs in high hopes of grabbing my new car keys, I open my bedroom door, to find my sweet 16 birthday surprise. A desk. Wait, did I get a desk? No car? My mom assured me I’d get more mileage out of my new desk then I would out any car. Not sure if I cried or even tried to hide my disappointment, I was 16. As my mom droned about the importance of this gift I continued to pout. I'm convinced this was my mom's not so subtle way of saying I needed to study more. As a typical teenager, I rebelled. In the beginning, I used my desk as a vanity. A place to store my hair products and make-up. Gradually it became so much more.

My desk has been in my life for thirty years. I’ve moved it and kept it passed it’s prime even when it didn't fit my style. But my mom was right. I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out my desk. As the thought of getting rid of my desk passes in and out of my mind, I’m reminded of the miles I put on my old baby. The countless college papers I’ve written, including one-quarter I spent tens of hours analyzing each line of Hamlet, giving me a new found appreciation for Shakespeare’s writing and talent. This desk has seen it’s fair share of love notes, thank you notes, resumes, birth announcements, and Christmas letters. It also the place where my hubby wrote his dissertation and where I started my business. My desk has felt the splash of water as I spit from my mouth in laughter, tears from a broken heart, and vomit from my babies. Last weekend, I decided my desk is mine forever. Eyesore or not, it’s filled with more than office supplies, it’s filled with my life. But a coat of paint and some new hardware and my desk is ready for the rest of our journey. Do you think I can convince my teenagers they’ll get more mileage out a desk than a car? I’m going to try.

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Dating and Lies

Dating and liesRecently while watching the movie, No Stings Attached; you know the one with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. I might add, I think Ashton is cute. Sorry, got off track, but I couldn’t help but think, "oh a man wrote this!"  Why you ask? Because of a line, Natalie Portman’s character says. “Why can’t we just have sex?” When does a woman make that declaration? I tell you when, when she’s trying to trap a man. Think about your profile on E-Harmony or Match.com or any other dating site if a woman makes a statement like that, men will start crawling out of the woodwork. It’s just like saying you love to watch sports, drink beer, licking his popsicle, and hate shopping. Please, how many men do you know love to take romantic walks on the beach, watch romantic comedies and love to snuggle, hold hands and shop? Whether it’s a first date or an online dating website, these are all lines we used to find a partner in life. You should have seen me wrap my then future husband around my finger. I wore a Raiders football jersey, pretended to get excited when he gave me a Raiders baseball cap signed by Tim Brown and consoled him as the Phillies lost the World Series in 1993, thanks to Mitch Williams. I also went totally nuts over hanging out at his biology lab dissecting and looking into microscopes at creatures. Please, I'd rather go out dancing, play tennis, read a book or paint my nails. The things we do to impress our partners. My hubby was also guilty. He took me to every romantic movie, to the mall and even got a pedicure (once) with me. Guess what? A couple of years and kids later he doesn’t like romantic comedies or shopping. He tricked me too! So go ahead and tell me I’m wrong. I have yet to meet a woman who’s used just her body to get a man and have the relationship succeed. Okay, maybe for awhile. The reality of dating and life is, what you see, is what you get. Do yourself a favor and be the real you and take a good look see the person you’re dating. Honestly, I do love sports, and the biology thing is interesting, and my hubby knows Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte.