“Christine, I want you to pick my next boyfriend.” Wow! This compliment was given to me by one of my young friends. She’s a sweet girl, but her picker is definitely off. The last two guys she dated…losers. Why sugarcoat it. You know the saying, “if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck.” It all started with this question, “Christine, what did you do at my age?” I said, “Shelly, (name changed to protect the guilty) I would never date guys like that.”
Back in my day, my friends had a field day telling me my standards for men were too high. I had my “rules.” I know, it sounds kind of bitchy. Here’s the deal. I did not ht the lottery when it came to fathers. And I even had two shots at getting a good male role model, but it didn’t happen. I vowed that would never happen to me. So, I had my rules. When I explained my rules to my young friend, she laughed. Nice to know girls still find my process a bit crazy. Call me crazy, but I’m happy. Then I said to her, “where did you learn that you’re not worth being treated the way you treat others?” It’s the golden rule. I knew how much I could love, respect and care for the man I’d love, but I needed to be sure I would get the same in return. Therefore, my rules help me weed out my garden. My rules were simple; name calling is out of the question, never show late to pick-me-up without a phone call, pay for me, open doors for me and say thank you as well as excuse me. These small gestures were the beginning of our relationship. Let’s face it, if the guy doesn’t treat you like you walk on water in the beginning, how’s he going to treat you in 10, 15, 30 years?
Some females assume this type of attention is anti-feminist. I’m not and have never been a man hater, but I do believe a man will only give as much as you expect. I don’t want to do everything myself. I want/need a partner. Besides, you teach people how to treat you.
The reality is that once you have kids, this guy will become the father of your children. I couldn’t risk a daughter of mine growing up with the kind of men I did or more importantly, I did not want that type of man as a role model for my sons.
I’m not perfect, and I don’t pretend my marriage is perfect, but it’s perfect for us. If you’re not getting what you want, it’s time to take a look at yourself. By all means, leave the losers to the women who think they can change them. Did I mention, my hubby still opens the door, and I still thank him for taking me out to dinner?
