Judge to the Defendant, “Do you understand the charges against you?”
Defendant, “I do.”
Judge, “How do you wish to plea?”
Defendant raising her right hand, “Your honor, I’m guilty. I am a Holiday Dumper.”
Judge, “You’re hereby sentenced to spend the holiday season alone!”
Defendant, “Oh, Thank-you your honor, this is the BEST Holiday season ever!”
Admittedly, I’m a holiday dumper. I’ve ended many romantic relationships based on gift giving. Before you label me some insensitive bee-och, hear me out. I think it’s better to cut bait than be in a relationship out of convenience instead of love. It’s not like I enjoy being alone but it’s also not right to stay with someone you know is “not the one.” Stringing a person along is way more hurtful in my eyes. The biggest indicator for me that I was not in the right relationship was when I tallied my gift spending or better yet, I tried to buy the cheapest gift possible without looking like a cheapskate. That never works. Think about what you put up with to earn your money, the angry boss, the never happy client, the moody co-worker or better yet the ever elusive food thief. Instead of worrying about matching his spending or how to get off cheap, let me spend my money on me and get what I want, and he can do the same. Come on; you know everything you’ve ever wanted is available at incredible prices. Not wanting to sound too callous, I do have ONE critical holiday dumping rule. You have to dump by December 10th. That’s just about two weeks before Christmas. If you practice another religion, same rule goes, at least two weeks before the celebration. In fact, I don’t limit my dumping to just one holiday. I feel the same about Valentine’s Day. But when you find that person you don’t worry about your gift tally, you get excited to make them happy, and you can’t wait to see them enjoy your gift…that’s a keeper. Gift giving is not supposed to be stressful or regretful. It is supposed to bring joy to your heart. Tick-Tock the clock is ticking. Get to dumping before you sentence yourself to a holiday full of regret.
